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lady_sorceress

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My life... [May. 14th, 2009|08:25 pm]
[mood | amused]

So I wrote another post but some how it get erased. Anyways at a party for Eiren's birthday...Shari tried to kiss Thomas, Eiren's Fiance. OH at al the party Shari tried to get with Bryan but he didnt' respond to her. I dont' blame him I wouldn't either. It was a good thing though because it showed Bryan Shari's true character. I think mostly because Shari wouldn't take responsiblity for her own actions and she blamed everything on everybody else. Everyone was giving me shots, its not my fault. Thomas tried to kiss me (even though someone else was there and whose story backs up Thomas's). Oh poor me! Feel sorry for me! It didn't work on me. I didn't feel bad for her at all. It was  your decision to take the shots not anyone else's. I found it to be extremely entertaining. I think Bryan didn't respond to her because secretly he was diguested with her since she was hanging over every guy. She was trying to get with Dave (who use to like me but who I turned down like 10 times) and he didn't want anything to do with her. Oh life is interesting. And since it doesn't involve me...all I do is sit back and enjoy! I do feel bad for Eiren though...there was a lot of drama on her birthday.
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(no subject) [Mar. 9th, 2009|01:13 am]
[mood |accomplished]

 Well my friends I have decided to say that I no longer care if I hurt Shari's feelings. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend and once again she's all over Bryan. I wanted to sleep with Bryan...I wanted to lose myself to him and now all he can think about is her. Well I don't really care about that and the thing is, I refuse to let Shari walk over me like she did before. I will stand up for myself and I don't even care if I hurt her feelings. I had a "fight" with her a few days ago and it pissed her off because I wasn't going to do what she wanted me to do. Anyways!!! I am writing a story and I wish to know what you think of it!! 
Here it is as of right now!!!


The fear was present in her dark eyes as she turned to face her father, as was the anger and the determination.

            “So that’s it then, you are just going to drop me out in the forest and the hell with me?” Kendra said as she raises her chin just an inch while facing her father

            “I have no other choice! What do you want from me!”

            “A father who cares about his youngest daughter!” Kendra screamed back. A part of her realized that she would more then willing to make this sacrifice as long as her step mother does not hurt her sisters. As the youngest sister and the ugliest one, she is the most logical choice to go.

            Kendra is the youngest out of three girls with straight brown hair and intense violet eyes. There is nothing special about her at least not when one looks at her sisters.  Her oldest sister, Cecelia has natural blond ringlets that reach below her hips. Her eyes are a deep blue that causes anyone who looks at her to get lost in her eyes. Her lips are naturally pouting and a rose red.

 The only positive attribute that Kendra has that she lacks is that Kendra has a fuller figure then her sister does. She have full breasts and wide child-bearing hips when compared to Cecelia who has a flatter and less curvy figure. Cecelia’s disposition is kinder and sweeter then Kendra’s also.  Kendra is known to have a loud mouth and who speaks her mind whereas, Cecelia is quieter and who speaks only when spoken to. Although Cecelia is intelligent, she listens only to what her father tells her and will never think to fight him. Kendra is known for her wild temper and for her strength of character which also causes her to be looked down upon by the upper-class society. Her sister is the best and the most beautiful and that makes it most likely that she will find a suitor.

Her other sister, Anastasia is the middle sister who causes everyone to turn and stare at her. She is the envy of men and women a like. She has deep chestnut hair  that curls around her mid back. She has clear and gentle green eyes, which are fringed with long eyelashes. Her fair complexion and her pouting red red lips cause heads to turn and to stare. Her full curvy body and her strong personality make her memorable. Anastasia will say what is on her mind but in a sweeter way then Kendra and since society likes her, mostly for her looks, Anastasia can speak her mind which is a privilege that Kendra does not have.

All three sisters have grown up in a privilege society where all of their wants and needs are provided from them. The sisters are not biological, at least the older two girls with Kendra. There was a time where it was just Frederick, Kendra and Leslie. Frederick who works as a trader in the Kingdom of Aurora, use to be the most well respected trader and whose revenue made his family almost as well known and as rich as the King’s. He married Leslie who is Kendra’s mother.

Leslie was a gorgeous woman with bright amber eyes and a very strong mind. Her sense of humor and her vivacious character kept her in everyone’s hearts. She was well loved in society and passed her strength of character onto her only child.

Leslie and Frederick were matched by their parents and did not meet until the day of their wedding. He fell in love with her immediately, or at least to her looks. Leslie, as the out spoken woman as she is stood against her parents the whole way. She was only 17 years old when she married Kendra’s father who was 35 at the time. She faught all the way to the alter and the only reason that she agreed to the wedding was that her father threatened to have her beloved sister to go in her place. 

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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2008|05:11 pm]
What do you do when you've been hurt before and you are to afraid to let go? Yes i've been hurt. Nothing where it felt like I couldn't exist without another. I mean I thought I loved Bryan but I really don't think I was love. I think it was...you know I grew up with my brother's friends but I didn't really have any guy friends of my own. So I meet these two guys and one of them is so sweet and kind to me and makes me feel like a princess....so I think he likes me. Instead he is a complete flirt who causes me to believe things and feelings that aren't there and then his way of showing that its over is by completely hurting me. He was cruel and mean and now looking back I wonder how I thought I could ever love him. That story is ended.

Why do I continue to fall for guys who hurt me. The other one I like now is my supervisor. YES My supervisor....No I didn't mean to like him. It just happened over time...you know? He is so damn sexy...with this gorgeous smile and this awesome body and his rugged good looks. He is also amazingly sweet and kind. We ended up dating a little bit and now its like nothing. Not friends, not lovers nothing. Not only that but we had one night where we made out and he stirred my blood. Heat coursed through my veins and even though I want that again, I do not want to become his thing for him to use when he has an itch that needs to be scratched. I want to be his and I want him to be mine. I want to be his lover, his best friend, his eyes, his ears,  his heart, his soul. Things that I do not believe are achievable now. I do not know what to do. Obviously he wants me but like I said I do not want to be his well his whore. I guess I want to be more than his friend! Oh well....thats my life right?
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Writer's Block: Fixing the past. [Jun. 1st, 2008|09:15 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[mood | thoughtful]

If you could go back and fix your most regrettable decision, what would it be, and what would you do differently?

Or:

Pirates or Ninjas?


View 501 Answers

Umm If I could go back and change something in the past what would it be? I think in my head the most obvious would be Bryan. The thing is he hurt me so horribly but than I learned a lot about myself. I think if I could go in the past I would try and lessen the blow. I would stand up for myself earlier than waiting until Sharis party to yell back at him. The thing is, I would still want to "fall in love with him" if thats what it was because it taught me so much about myself but I regret waiting so long before standing up to him and saying NO. Most of my friends know that if you treat the way that he did, and thats being condescending and hurtful, that I would take them down. My family and friends know not to treat me that way because I will take on the defensive and I will yell at you. He knows now not to treat me that way because I told him that if ever did it again, not only will I beat him but our friendship will stop that second. It almost stopped but it didn't So if I could go back and change something it would be to stop the attitude problem Bryan was giving me when it started instead of waiting for the amount of time that I did (a few months).
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2008|08:53 pm]
[mood | chipper]
[music |Caledonia by Celtic Woman]

Wow two postings after all this time. Go me. I remembered something else which I thought was kind of funny. The group of friends that I had, Anthony, Kyle, Shari and Bryan oh yeah and Tim has basically broke up. Anthony and Shari are at each others throats. They are fighting because according to Anthony, Shari called his girlfriend a liar and according to Shari, Lauren lied. Honestly....I don't give a shit. This year I didn't have to go to Shari's party, thank goodness, because Anthony didn't want to go and he was my ride. I just thought that it was amazing that after all this time, its finally come apart and I was afraid to end the friendships and now it doesn't matter. I'm kind of friends with Shari. I am always expecting her to try and be above me when it comes to guys but since she doesn't know the guys that I do than its fine with me. Bryan and I are eh. Since I never see him, i'm ok with him. Tim and I are falling apart. I was so upset with him and I know that I can't rely on him. Whats the point of a friend that you can't rely on. Though now that I think about it, I told Tim about Bryan and he's been nothing but good with that information and he was there for me this year when I needed him to be. Anyways Tim and I had to a project for one of my Forensics classes and he didn't do anything. No work. He did apologize so I guess I should give him a break. I don't know. Anyways so Shari and Bryan are still friends of course and Anthony and Kyle still are. Kyle is still friends with Shari and Bryan. The thing is Anthony and I are also friends and I talked to Anthony about it and he said that Shari was nothing but manipulative and I know that she is so Anthony and I share the same sentiments when it comes to Shari. Anthony and Bryan are ok. Anton told me that he was ok with Bryan but he wasn't exactly friends with him because he knows that Bryan will stick up for Shari because he wants to get into her pants. Thats exactly how I felt too and thats why I can understand where Anthony is coming from. That is probably why i'm in the middle with Kyle even though I'm more on Anthony's side. The thing is though since I am very busy with school, I could care less. It was actually kind of nice this semester not seeing Bryan a lot. I saw him only on Fridays and the weekends and sometimes not even then. It has definitely reduced the amount of stress that I have had in my life. The only person who caused stress was Elisa. I think I kind of brought a lot of that on myself too but you know live and learn. She really is a cool girl its just sometimes she gets on my nerves. I think next year is going to be better because Bryan and I won't even be in the same complex and Elisa and I aren't going to be roommates. My life is looking up. There is a song that kind of explains what i'm going through or better yet what I went through this past year. Its by Celtic Woman and its called Caledonia. "Well i've moved and kept on moving/ through the points that I needed improving/ Lost the friends that I needed losing/ Found others on the way/ I've kissed the fellows and left them crying/ stolen dreams yes there's no denying." This song described me!!
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2008|08:34 pm]
[mood | amused]

Its amazing. I am here at home for a month before returning to VCU and when I sit here and think about everything I can't help but to feel joy. I've had my hard times just like everyone has. I fell in love (or at least at the time I thought it was love) with a friend of mine who than decided to be horrible about it. He became cruel and hurtful, degrading me inftront of others. what kind of friend does that? I almost stopped being his friend all together but than I decided that since I don't see him often its not that big of a deal. Its not worth my time to stop being his friend. I started working for my school and the place I work at is great. The people who I work with (or at least most of them) are just amazing people. They make work fun. Of course me with my crazy guyness actually found a guy that I like. He's a total sweetheart and he does what he can to help people. In short he's one of the best guys that I know. The more I'm around him, the more I realize what a total jerk Bryan is/was. I have nothing but the upmost respect and admiration for this guy. I don't think anything is going to happen between us though. I mean I'm 21 and he's 28 plus he's my supervisor....yeah...he's my supervisor. haha. Oh well. I mean he really is a great guy. My one friend said that she thinks that he may like me and that has given me hope. I know sometimes he'll do some things that makes me wonder. He had a laptop in his hand and he walked out into my office and he started to walk out the door that leads to the rest of the building and he stopped and paced. So he started to talk to me and put the laptop down than after awhile he went back into his office leaving the laptop in my room so I told him that he forgot it and he came out grabbed the computer and went back into his office never leaving our room. I was like was there a point to that. He's not coy either. So he won't flirt with you to flirt with you which is what Bryan does. Thats why it was so hard. I'm just so glad that my life has gotten back on track!
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Fed up [Nov. 27th, 2007|12:27 am]
[mood | aggravated]

I am fed up. I am sick and tired of crying. I am sick and tired of being sad and of being hurt. So yeah I had a wonderful Thanksgiving so I come back on Sunday to VCU. Shari the bitch decided to tell me that her, Bryan, Anthony and Kyle all got together on Friday. Did she bother to call me the night before and to ask me? NO of course not! Not once was I informed about Friday. How I found out was Shari iming me telling me to look at the DAMN pictures. How fucked up are you to do something like that? How fucked up can you be? That has got to be the most hurtful shit I had to put up with. I have had to put up with more shit than most people even I am surprised that I do not have some sort of illness. But I was proud because all I did was smile and act like it didn't bother me. She has no idea that I was upset. I yelled at Bryan because he and my friend Eiren were talking about getting together this Sunday to go see Grand Illuminations and I allowed my anger to come out. I was like "you know if you don't want me to go to places then don't say anything around me" I think he realized that I was upset. He was like "wait" and I dont' know why but I stopped and I turned around and was like what! He was like "I didn't invite anyone, They invited themselves" Blah blah but I ended up crying and walking away. The thing is my anger and frusteration came out with something that was related in a way but it wasn't the source of deep sadness. I mean what I went through was bad. They really hurt me. But yet I knew I shouldn't surprised that they did it. They don't care about anybody else but themselves. I literally did not talk to any of them and I am so fed up that I am not ready to hang out with them. I think thats why I don't want to go this weekend. Urg we'll see my friends we'll see.
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(no subject) [Oct. 31st, 2007|01:15 am]
[mood | confused]

You know when you have a friend that you don't think loves you, or cares about...it weighs on your spirit. Well my friends I ended up talking to my friend Tim about it unknowing that Bryan was standing there right behind him reading what I was writing. So it basically ended with me saying Does he care about me or not and his response was "Sometimes its the unspoken things that mean the most." I don't know friends what do you think? is that a good thing or not? Why should I care about the friendship if he doesn't? Why should I cry a tear when he doesn't blink an eye? Why should I fear losing him which he would be fine w/o me. Its so hard my friends...seeming like i'm fighting a losing battle. Well yeah we ended up discussing this and having a huge fight where we almost lost the friendship. I was talking to a friend of mine and I asked him if we lost our friendship would he still be my friend. Well that friend told Bryan who flipped out. He told Shari...basically he had enough and he didn't want to be friends anymore. So I told Bryan that I was watching a movie and I was curious. He calmed down and we ended up discussing what we had issues with. I should have let him go but why didn't I? I don't know. The thing is I think sometimes my life would be better w/o Bryan but then I think it wouldn't be. I don't know what I want or how I feel. So I want our friendship to end when I say it does or when I feel as though I've had enough. I want/need to be the one who has control over it and who decides whether or not I want it to end. URG my life is soo confusing!!
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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2007|08:29 pm]
HEllO my friends. I can not believe how long it has been since I have written in here. So many things have happened to me! To start off after my last entry I sent an email telling Bryan how I felt about him and he was like "I love you like a sister." So around that time I knew this girl Shari and she and I started talking. She realized how I felt about him and a few months later *knowing that I loved the guy* she was like so yeah I have a crush on him. Later on she tried to sleep with him...Knowing that I loved him! I was like OMG. So I have learned since then that she is a self-loving, selfish Bitch. That isn't out of spite thats who she is. She's also very manipulative. So around February Bryan started being really mean to me around the other group members. He would be very condensending and shit so Shari had a huge birthday party in which all of us were invited. So she ended up making out with him on the BED THAT I WAS SITTING ON!!! I was like WHAT A BITCH! So a little bit after that Bryan and I came head to head just screaming at eachother. It started when he looked at me and he was like "I have to talk to you." I was like I have no desire to talk to you and I turned off the lights and then Bryan was like "Don't you ever turn your back on me." I erupted. i don't even remember much of the conversation. Just me yelling at him! I remember saying I don't feel anything towards you and the thought "Not even friendship" flashed through my head showing me that I really am over him. Walking into GRC I thought "I dont' need him or Shari" and ever since them I have kept that thought. So basically that ended my love for Bryan. Ever since then my life has been a lot less crazy and not as much drama. I know who my true friends are and the people who truely love me that makes all the difference.  The huge thing I learned was how strong of a person I am and to always watch out for the unexpected. It has definitely been a crazy year. The question i'm working with now is should I remain friends with Bryan or cast him out of my life. I mean yeah we are good friends but he caused me more pain than any other person alive. He knows that he almost lost my friendship but I wonder if it will just be better for my self to just stop being his friend. That is the question now my friends. The question that I am dealing with. Sometimes in my bed I just sit there and wonder...would my life be better w/o Bryan in it. With the ending of the friendship with Bryan, my friendship with Shari would stop also.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2007|08:57 pm]
Hello my friends from my live journal community. I got an message saying don't forget about me so i'm here saying I'm haven't forgotten. I've been bad with my livejournal and for that i'm sorry. From my last message, I have come to terms with the whole bryan situation. We are friends and thats it. Its fine. I mean I still love him but I can deal with this. I had 18 credits and i ended up failing English 200 which is retarded. That was really really gay since I tried really hard. But I mean life is good for now!
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(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2006|11:27 am]
[mood | chipper]

Ok well as most of you know now...Bryan is the main guy in my life and I know how annoying it must be to read my entries and see bryan-bryan-bryan-bryan ok sorry got a bit carried away there. What I have realized is that stressing over him isn't going to help a damn thing now is it? I mean yes i love him...maybe but its not helping the matter with stressing about it so you know what...i have my friends, family and my school to help put me into an early grave but I dont' need some guy to do it either. Its just that he does things to make me wonder and to hold on you know? Like I was wondering if I smelled right so I walked up to him and asked him and he smelled my shoulder and was like no you smell fine...so i went to back away and he smelled up my neck and said like "you smell really good." FUCKING A..YOU DON'T DO THAT TO PPL WHO YOU KNOW WHO LIKES YOU AND WHO YOU LIKE AS A FRIEND...WTF IS THAT? AHH but w/e. I am glad to be quitting Busch Gardens cuz it was causing wayyy  to much stress in my life...well not working specifically but school+work=suckiness!!! It was more like trying to get 18 credits of work done during the week with more work added on top of it. Its way to much and is bringing me down emotionally and physically. I mean i'm like fucking emotional all the time..HELL NO...Because I know i'm going to quit...i feel so much better and happier and relaxed and thats how i usually am. Being stressed out everyday...something is wrong and something you need to fix. Life is to short to be stressed!!! So yeah!! BLAH!!! BUT I'm Happy cuz i'm no longer a working girl until i do my work study for the school but its Work STUDY so yeah...nowhere as bad!! YAY definitely feeling better and happier then I have in awhile...
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Peace [Sep. 22nd, 2006|01:46 am]
Peace is a word thrown around often. Peace and quiet and things like that. But what is peace. Peace to me is knowing that my friends are alright and no longer mad at me, my brother is dumping his bitchy/slutty wife and that even though I have 18 credits I can relax since i'm quitting my job so this way i won't tear my hair out. I have been extremely stressed lately cuz first I upsetted my dear friend by being stupid and thinking that she was going to steal my should-be-but-isn't-man-so-why-do-I-care man and then instead of speaking to her I went to my other friends. I have 18 credits and a job at Busch Gardens which I am going to quit cuz I can not handle it. Maybe if it didn't encompus the whole weekend I would be fine but trying to get all my work in w/in the week, while more work piles on..doesn't happen. I am sorry to say that I will be quitting. Saturday will be my second and last day. I thought that I could handle this but I can't. It is to much.
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WTF [Aug. 27th, 2006|02:02 am]
[mood | depressed]

OK my dear friends at livejournal..this is going to be a very long journal entry plus its probably going to be repetitive. Lets see...well to recap..i started liking one of my friends..his name is bryan and we became really close...and i liked him second semester of Freshman year. So yes over the summer..i tried to forget him but nope still like him...actually love him...So yes anyways come back see him..all good and then second day back i go drink at my friend's house right and yes we all kinda get smashed but Bryan and I weren't too too bad and he kissed me and then asked me out. BUT before that he was talking to my other friend and he told her that he liked me AND that was before he was drunk. I understand not wanting to break up our triangle..Bryan, Tim and I but still. OK well the thing is Tim is a very close friend of Bryan and mine and he's afraid that if we go out then he's going to be left out which makes sense and of course bryan and I dont want to hurt Tim in anyway. Right well yes anyways before he was drunk he told my friend that he liked me then he asked me out. The next day he acted like nothing happened and then we went to Busch Gardens where my friend said to me..."you might want to cool it..Bryan told another friend basically I was drunk and I'm not ready for this" So i heard it through the grapevine which hurt i won't lie but what hurts the most is that Bryan couldn't trust me enough to tell me to my face. But now right he's all pissed off at something and i'm trying to put distance between us and he's being really mean to me...I just don't care...god I've only been here for like a week and already i've gotten myself into a mess. I give up on Bryan!! I do..HE can go fuck himself!
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Saturday Night Live + Bulldog [Jun. 23rd, 2006|12:13 am]
[mood | amused]

As I sit here with my brother watching the Best of Saturday Night Live, I can't help but be thankful for the gift of laughter. It helps you overcome everything and it cleansens the soul. I love to be able to laugh especially after the worse day of my life at work. I know that I complain about working at JCPenney's but its really not that bad except when you make a mistake then well you are screwed and the bulldog basically beats you *not technically* but if feels like it. The bulldog is what we call Jeff the man in charge of Lost prevention. Now a lot of people steal from JCPenney's and I can understand him trying to keep it down but yelling at someone who already realizes their mistake especially if they know that its huge then it kinda pisses me off. I made a huge mistake on Sunday where I got conned by a conman cuz they bought something and they wanted change and it ended up being 300 dollars or more. I'm not sure but it was a lot. and I thought that they paid me the money but appreantly they didn't and it was really bad. So yeah I talked to Tom Davison whose in charge of the store and he was really understanding. He said that I am knew and that he understands that we make mistakes and that if it ever happens again then to ask a manager to come. OMG Chris Rock has a fro! HAHAHA Anyways so yeah he was understanding and it helped me to calm down. Jeff needs to calm down cuz of him i'm considering not coming back next year. Anyways thats my rant!

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AHHH EVERYTHING IS PISSING ME OFF TODAY!! [Jun. 12th, 2006|10:40 pm]
[mood | irritated]

OMG i can't survive. I miss my freedom. It sucks being home....i'm like five minutes away from my house and my mom freaks out. ITS soooo fucking annoying. I miss my freedom...do what I want when I want it. Work sucked today cuz i made some mistakes and Jeff whose in charge of Loss Prevention kept throwing them down my throat. I mean I know that I missed up but continuing to throw it down my throat isn't going to solve anything. AHHH you stupid fucking jackass....back the fuck off. I have enough to do w/o you pissing me off to. PLus I had all of the stupid bitches that kept bitching at me. SORRY THAT I CNA'T DO WHAT YOU WANT BUT I'M TRYING TO KEEP MY JOB SO STOP BITCHING AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. Oh then I'm in a good mood and I'm trying to talk to Bryan and he's being fucking pissy so he's like ignoring me then he just leaves. GOD I hate it when he's in this mood cuz i def dont' need him acting pissy towards me either or to have him snapping at me. AHH YOU BASTARD....but maybe i get mad cuz i'm still trying to get over him? I mean i know that i said that i was but i still think about him a lot and I do want to go to the wedding with him. IDK the only thing that i have for hope is the fact that if its meant to be then it will happen. I mean I might say that i'm over him but I have a feeling that all its going to take is a look at him for me to fall over him again. I wonder if I had fallen in love with him. I don't think so...actually i'm sure that I didn't but you know what....if he had gone out with me then he would have been my first love...oh well his lost right. AHHH OMG. IDK ppl are making me soooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad!!! Oh well i'll survive. I know that I will and I have kingdom hearts and that makes me happy cuz i'm getting far in it!!!! So enough of now for my bitching!!!


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BLAH [Jun. 5th, 2006|10:29 pm]
[mood | happy]

I have been told to talk to Bryan about a relationship from a very good friend of mine. The thing about it though is that I don't think about him a lot anymore. I mean I still like him but its different. Not talking to him isn't as hard as it once was. I know that its only been what? three...two...weeks since the end of school but it did feel as though I lost my only half. Now if I don't talk to Tim, Shawna, Tanjil, Sabrina and Angela then I feel lost...HAHA. I think that I'm slowly getting over him. Talking about a relationship now I believe would damage the our friendship and I have talked to him and he turned me down. I think that he knew I was serious. Talking about it now when it would be a long-distance relationship might def be a mistake. I have gotten a hobby and maybe thats why i'm not as lost as i would have been. My job *even though you can't call that a hobby i guess* is consuming a lot of my life...and thats why I think its not as hard. Plus i'm reading the books by Garth Nix and there is really no romance in it. So yeah maybe thats why. I miss my friends a lot...I really do. I miss Angela, Sabrina, and Tanjil and Tim a lot!!! So yes Angela, I finally got a hobby/job and thats consuming my life!
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DAMN IT THIS IS REDICULOUS. [May. 29th, 2006|10:33 pm]
[mood | lonely]

THIS IS ABSOLUTLY REDICULOUS...WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE SO MUCH. Why is this annoying me so much? Bryan is on and I haven't talked to him for a week and i'm quite proud of myself right and now its bugging me that he's on and I want to talk to him. If I talk to him then it will ruin everything that i've accomplished plus all of my plans like not talking to him. ALRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW IT...I'm not going to take him off my buddy list but i'm sure as hell not talking to him. I CAN DO IT. I know that I can!!!!
FUCK BRYAN...HE'S TAKING OVER MY LIFE AND THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!! I say this and its still annoying me that I'm not talking to him...SELF-CONTROL!!! I KNOW THAT ITS IN THERE!!
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2006|10:47 pm]
[mood | blah]

I'm good!!! I am soooo good!!! I have decided that I will never ever talk to Bryan again over this summer. I am a strong woman as my lovely friend pointed out...plus I have my friends who love me for me...who needs guys? Who needs the stress and the uncertainity and everything like that? When I was seventeen I decided that I don't have a soulmate...that he died and that I will meet him in Heaven. My friends are my family and they will bring all the happiness into my life even though its not the same nor will it ever be but I will survive with my job and my friends. I WILL BE FINE...even though I know that there is something special about Bryan and that it's not the usual liking. its deeper but you know what...screw it...if its meant to be then its meant to be and it all depends on him for he will always have a place in my heart.
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(no subject) [May. 26th, 2006|11:08 pm]
[mood | irritated]

OMG I've never been soo damn irrated in all my life. Well I probably have been but thats not the point. Ok so i'm at work and the girl whose closing with me leaves alone for long periods of time and I get slammed and idk there was something about her that really really irrated and annoyed me. The only thing I was thinking was OMG would you please get your ass over here and do what are you suppose to. OK OK so i'm calm i think. IDK oh so then I go and try to pump my gas and the damn pump wasn't working. AHHHHH So yeah idk i guess thats fine. Anyways I decided that i'm not going to talk to Bryan until he talks to me and actually I haven't talked to him since Monday...which it hasn't actually been that hard at all. I wonder if he realizes yet. IDk its fine...I hope that he realizes that I am not talking to him. Its not going to bug me anymore. I don't even know why i'm writing this entry about it. Probably cuz I just want to rant and this is also something that is pissing me off. He can go screw himself, he really can. I'm not vain but I am pretty *kinda* and I wanted him and he's cute so he should have been greatful. PLUS i know that he likes me...WTF is he waiting for...I already told him that I liked him and he can't put it past me. The only problem is that he's a really really close friend so in a way I am losing him that way. But I believe that when I can get over him *which I will by not talking to him* then it will help me out. IDK for some reason I really really like him and I just can't forget him but I can get over him. Maybe w/o me talking to him, he'll realize how much I mean to him and get over himself and ask me out. Who knows with him. OH well...I wll get over him and I love my job besides that one chick who decided to do nothing today!! AHHHHHHHH SCREW EVERYTHING!!! And I realize that this is very redundant especially the part about Bryan but I believe thats there so I can convince myself so I'm sorry that you had to read the same thing over and over. I'll survive, I'm strong....AND I'M IRRATED AND PISSED!!!
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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2006|11:21 pm]
[mood | annoyed]

So answer me this...why do I still care that Bryan isn't talking to me? I didnt' talk to him for like a whole day and he didn't even notice...if a guy liked you wouldn't he notice? IDK but i'm sick and tired of trying to talk to him and being turned down. Screw it. Angie's right I do need a hobby. Why do I even give a shit. I have my kitties..thats all that matters..at least he loves me. Oh well JCPenney's is awesome. I mean the dress code suxs with having to be really dressed up and my feet are killing me but the people that I work with are absolutly awesome!!! I am glad that i'm working cuz I talked to Shawna today and she's having trouble adjusting to being home. I wish that I could go back. i've been home for 13 days (at least i'm not the only one who is counting down) therefore there is almost 12 weeks left before I go back. HAHA. Oh well so yeah my brother can def tell that i'm sad....HOW THE HELL CAN A GUY MAKE ME SAD. A guy has never made me this nuts before. Usually w/o seeing the guy that I like for like 4 days i'm fine...i'm good...i'm over it. Now I haven't seen him for like what did I say..13-14 days and i'm still into him. it is easier though. Not only that but I have decided to FUCK IT. If he wants to talk to me then he can...but if not...well i'm sick and tired of getting upset over it....or so I think so!

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